Mother to Mother: Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism


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Drowning One Out

This post might be super ableist. I excluded the T from the acronym so as not to make assumptions or erase heterosexual transgender people. Trout Nation content is always free, but you can help keep things going by making a small donation via Ko-fi! Apologies if this is too raw for you, feel free to ignore if it is, but could you leave a link to that test?

Thank you. And thank you for sharing this post. I know it must have been hard to put all these thoughts into words. I self-diagnosed seven years ago, two years after I first realized that I might be autistic. Reading about the differences between girls and boys autism symptoms really opened my eyes about being diagnosed with ADD as a kid. This is very true. Saying I have been through this. Maybe you have too. My sister and I both have autism, but I got professionally diagnosed at age 6 while it took her until age 22 to get that professional diagnosis, and only after it became an issue with school.

The recent wave of Autism Warrior Mommies is extremely disconcerning to me because offering them a platform gives them a foot in the door, so to speak. Repeating the same bullshit over and over makes it sound less awful than it is. Those experiences have tainted my perception of it.

I am the mother of a 13 year old boy with autism, but I am no kind of warrior. But reading about those memoirs makes my blood boil. Do I wish he had it easier in his life, dealing with other people out in the world? Absolutely, but mostly I wish there was more compassion and empathy for strangers and their experiences.

As for your self diagnosis, sounds pretty legitimate to me. Your description of childhood sounds much like things I have witnessed with my own son. I wish you all the best! My son is almost 6 and was diagnosed nearly two years ago. It could be that I lack the ability to read the social cues… or that the cost of a wrong guess to the gay side is too high, thus straight is always assumed. I was following the same conversations as you on those two books and live tweets on them.

Almost every single thing, aside from being social, was something I frequently do. Including having bowel issues. I had the same happy places as you do. They were never vague and to this day they require very careful planning and realism. Events there make me physically feel and can leave me exhausted for hours. I can retreat there for days. I get sensory overload from sounds pretty easily.

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Autism’s First Child

And I try not to be that person who always looks up stuff and posts really long explanations on YT videos or does the same in real life conversations, but I still do it. I know no one else cares but me. I care about facts. I care about the information and the truthfulness of things and it upsets me when both are ignored. And came to the conclusion that I wont. Which is why they only diagnose in the case the person needs medication or therapy related to autism as those are compensated for by the state.

What the unofficial one has already helped with is adjusting to some early childhood trauma. If I have it, chances are good one or both of my parents do too and I do come from an abusive home. My mother was and still seems to be, narcissistic. But that never quite fit her. And it would help me deal with her and the abuse and finally let it go.

It would be good enough closure. However, being vocally and visibly autistic on social media would not be good for me at the moment. As far as advocacy: I support as an ally. Thanks for sharing that test. I find a lot of people around my age like late 20s-late 30s who are autistic women tend to be diagnosed with ADHD first. Oh, also, I did try to get diagnosed officially, because I struggle with work thanks to how social it is, and I had a bad experience. Well, I learned how to hide it well, then? Pick one. I sort of self diagnosed.

My best friend happens to be autistic and she actually told me over a year ago that she thought I might be autistic as well, because she saw me exhibiting the same signs that she does. My first reaction was what? Then I started to read up from my early childhood education books from when I got my degree in it to become a teacher and thought ok, maybe I could be.

About the trans equivalent of the gaydar my friends and I call it the trans-scan — it certainly exists, especially in the nonbinary part of the community. Hey, welcome to the club! I hope you get the same experience I did, where realizing this leads to a few personal revelations about your past and present! A lot of my anxiety as a kid was noise avoidance! But she treated my unique needs not as some sort of bad deviation; she just figured I was a different kid and so I had different challenges. Basically, I was really lucky.

One last thing. I would walk the track around the playground with a blank expression. From the outside, I probably looked like a zombie. I was having a grand old time, dangit! I used to walk along the lines of the netball courts deep in thought while everyone else played football and tag and skipped and played role play games all around me. Yes, some people will look to blame anything external rather than look at themselves to see what the real issue is.

The thing that weirds me out is that their writing actually shows that they have INSIGHT into their own screwed-up emotions and coping mechanisms that are hurting themselves and others, but the insight never translates into trying to shift their point of view or change their behavior or do anything other than make those emotions into a blanket fort they can wallow in. Wow, what an insight! So anyway I kept doing it forever. The end. I am fairly certain I am not on the spectrum at all, but this is what I did too! Often with another person, but if no one wanted to walk with me I just did it by myself.

Who says playing has to be with others or the approved play equipment? I can play just fine inside my own head! Um… are you me? Your Comment made me wonder about my daughter. So she took some tests, got a really high IQ-score and that was presented as the explanation of her problems. What you wrote seems to sum up my daughters life though. Sometimes even I think that. Do you think we should get a diagnosis? Or should we just go on working things out on our own? Hey hey; I really appreciate you posting about this. It feels really encouraging to see someone like me not only make it as an author but also be happily married with a kid.

It means a lot to me to see other people posting here about managing to start their own families, too. So it gives me hope, I guess I would say.

Autism Parents Guide

I also learned to get by because I studied other people. It definitely helped that I was a voracious consumer of TV, movies, books, etc. So, thanks; it makes me feel a little bit more normal, in my own way. Heck my GP agrees that I probably am. I took the test above and scored points so…..

Thank you for sharing this. I have had a lot of similar feelings about my diagnosis of ADHD as an adult, which I self diagnosed first. Thank you for being as authentic as you are with us, but please also know that you can keep as much of yourself for yourself as you want. When my mother discovered I was exhibiting the signs of hyperlexia at the age of three, she had her boss who was the head of Special Services at the school district where she was employed run a battery of tests on me. I think maybe he tried to teach her how to manage by curiosity as a way of making sure I was at least somewhat normalized.

But I did have a horror of that whole self-diagnosed paradigm because of the negative associations. So I believe self-diagnosis can be a positive thing depending on the circumstance, but I am also suspicious of those people who feel the need to use up all the oxygen in the room, and self-diagnosis is one of their tactics. I technically self-diagnosed myself, but I also got officially tested and diagnosed.

Maybe your post will help. I always knew that I was different than other kids, but never understood why.

Additional Resources & Tools

I was quiet and just wanted to read and felt more comfortable with teachers than kids my own age. I honestly believed that some part of me was broken. Now, I was lucky that I attended a small school and was never bullied for my differences- kids even acted protective of me because I was so naive and innocent to them. To this day I still have a certain amount of residual trauma-like? I never received any type of therapy to help me fit in growing up.

I needed the overacted and overly emphasized scenes to really pick up on the details. I think that I was maybe a senior in high school before I was actually able to start putting my research that began when I was 7 or 8 to use and I was in college before I had acquired the necessary acting skills to fool others into thinking I was just like them. He even introduced me to my husband. Fast forward a couple of years to the fateful day that a specialist in St.

Louis broke the news to my husband and me that our 2 year old son had severe autism. When we were leaving it was suggested that I look into the possibility that I had it too. Maybe five years after that when I was 30, after needing time to accept the fact that my son was non-verbal and might always be, and after the birth of my daughter, I began therapy for postpartum depression and casually mentioned the conversation with the autism specialist.

My therapist did some research and gave me the formal diagnosis along with a few other ones that I had already known about. I finally had it. A piece of paper, stating what I had known for the previous five years. I had and will always have autism. There really should be a type of Oscars for autistics in a neurotypical setting….

And, as for being able to recognize other autistics when you have autism… you definitely can. The way that I like to explain it is that people give off different… vibrations. Neurotypical peoples brains vibrate on a certain frequency because of the sorts of connections they contain. Autistics, on the other hand, seem to vibrate on their own frequency because of having to work harder to function and survive in the social world we were born into. I truly believe that autistics, in a way, have a sort of innate realization of this frequency and can sense it in others. But, I can spend an entire day with someone on the spectrum and never feel exhausted or bogged down for days after.

It works for me anyway. I googled and researched for hours out of curiosity. Upon doing this, I learned very quickly that a LOT of these symptoms were distressingly familiar. After a few of the more descriptive sites basically described my entire childhood, I started to look into it more and more. I had actually been told before that I should consider seeking a doctors opinion as I may be mildly autistic, but had always rejected that idea. But seeing myself so clearly in these descriptions was distressing and unpleasant, and difficult to ignore.

Like you, I sought out tests from reputable sources that ended with suggestions to seek out a medical professional because I showed many many MANY signs of autism. I did get formally diagnosed.

Once You've Acknowledged the Anger, Then What?

So basically it only matters when I want to get angry at other people giving autistic people a bad name, or when people are making it seem like autism is on par with cancer. According to the results page, the total score of threshold values for suspected ASD is My test results gave I figure my lack of motivation to socialise and sweating, shaking and crying when I do it is due to my depression, diagnosed in I did do a test online before I told my general practitioner that I think I might have depression.

Thank you for sharing this post, and thanks to everyone in the comments for sharing their experiences. Thank you Jenny, you said you feel raw, and this feels raw — in the best possible way. You are laying bare a really tender part of yourself, and I appreciate that you focused on yourself and not your family. Thank you for sharing. Hi Jenny, this is a subject very close to my heart and in fact I was nodding all the way through your post because i have so many things in common with you when it comes to autism!

I wrote about my experience in a blog post a few years ago, so you might want to take a look. I was furious for a long time about that. My first job was as a support worker for autistic people. I also worked in an assessment service for people with learning disabilities and I have a masters degree in Mental Health in Learning Disability with a strong focus on autism.

I can say with confidence that my mother is NOT on the spectrum. I came out way above threshold. She encouraged me to get an official diagnosis from another professional. I think some people have questionable and self-serving motives to believe themselves autistic. None of that logically translates into the problem being with self-diagnosis of autism. So, although I would have loved an explanation of why I seemed to be so different from other people and have such a hard time fitting in, I figured there was no way I could be autistic.

As the years went by, gradually more information about the idea of autism being a spectrum became available, and I kept wondering whether this might apply to me after all. I kept wishing I had a diagnosis, because that would make sense out of it all, validate my differences as a genuine problem and not my fault.

Then, when my son was three, he was diagnosed as autistic. And for me… that was it. I know that makes no logical sense; plenty of neurotypical parents have autistic children, so the fact that I had an autistic son proves nothing. All I know is, this was the point at which my mind and my questions were finally set to rest. From that point on, I have felt confident that I am on the autistic spectrum.

All that is good enough for me. What I really want to know is — would she have any sort of legal case for doing this? Instead of considering what experts were trying to tell her, she just kept looking for the one doctor that would do what she wanted. This bit is the bit I think rules you out of being the wrong kind of self diagnosing person.

Because you are a person, not just a mommy. Without anyone to give me a break, I often felt alone, isolated, and depressed. I never had time alone to re-charge my battery. My son would have benefited greatly from having another adult involved in his life besides his dad and me. Because he had articulation problems, he was extremely difficult to understand for anyone who didn't spend time with him. He needed a patient soul who was willing to listen carefully and encourage him to repeat until the communication was effectively made.

It could be exhausting at times. If you read up on autism and attend informational classes, you will be such valuable support for parents.


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People can be so harsh to moms and dads whose kids act differently than the norm. A person who's knowledgeable can offer comfort and support, jumping in to help and not passing judgment. I was hard enough on myself as the mother of a child on the autism spectrum. The last thing I needed was more people blaming me for my kid's unusual behaviour.

What I did need was someone there who really cared. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. My hat off to you. My daughter taught behaviour modification to kids with autism for a couple of years, and it is draining. Patience, loving kindness, tremendous strength are all attributes that come to mind when parenting kids with autism. What a great attitude you have! Every kid with autism is so different that we don't know what our futures hold.

My son is doing so much better than what some experts predicted for him. Perhaps, with lowered expectations, we've been able to enjoy our kids more and be grateful for their accomplishments -- both big and small. Thanks for reading! When my son was diagnosed, he was younger than 2, which gave us a head start on therapy, etc. I spent about a month sulking and was worthless to my company and the rest of my family, wallowing in grief. But through some divine intervention one evening, the light bulb illuminated.

It gave me a renewed focus thinking about things from his perspective and I dove into helping him with both feet. Years of work, heartache, tears, and frustration are starting to pay off and he just mainstreamed into school a few years ago with good results We are doing those things I dreamed about, just later than I had expected.

I refuse to allow him to call himself handicapped or make excuses to why he CAN'T do something - he gets treated like his sister and we expect him to rise to the challenge, not hold him back because of fear of the unknown. Every day I am thankful and amazed. I'm glad you got some comfort from my hub. It helps me to write about it.

Autism as a developmental disorder in intentional movement and affective engagement

I can't imagine going through it without my husband's support. For too long, I focused on those who turned their backs on me and my son and didn't acknowledge the one who had been there for us all along. Thanks for reading. Wishing you the best with your son! Thanks for the great article.

Data on autism and divorce | Easterseals Blog

My autistic son is It is very comforting to know that there are others out there who am struggling like I am. I am also divorced and my ex-wife is an undiagnosed autistic. I learned a lot from reading your experiences, and felt supported and uplifted at the end. When my son was little, we lived in California where they have fantastic early intervention services. He had weekly speech and occupational therapies one-on-one at age 3 that continued until he started kindergarten.

His speech and occupational therapists provided a wealth of information. I learned ways to help him at home with articulation, social communication, and motor skills. For fine motor, he played with play-dough, peeled stickers, strung beads, squeezed water from hand towels, picked up items with tweezers, etc.

When we moved to Oregon, I discovered early intervention services here are sorely lacking. They just talk about "inclusion," which is their code for saying: "We don't have the money so we just put your child in class with everyone else, give no special help, and hope for the best. I hope New Mexico has good early intervention services and you take advantage of them. Have fun with your precious little boy!

Take care of yourself and enjoy your unique journey! I wish you the best.

My son just turned 2 in July, and was diagnosed with Autism recently. I was actually really glad to come across this hub. I'm still very much in the "what do I do now" phase of things. He still isn't talking at all So i'm not sure what else I can do to help him improve on his fine motor skills. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.

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There are many myths surrounding autism. Here we dispel some of the biggest.

To provide a better website experience, wehavekids. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. McKenna Meyers more. It's Okay to Feel Angry. In Fact, It's Necessary My son's autism diagnosis launched a long, drawn out battle between me and my anger. Here are some ways I learned to deal with my rage: Express anger in healthy ways when it arises.

I saw some parents let an autism diagnosis destroy their lives and marriages and others who did not. A positive attitude is the difference. Take Good Care of Yourself or You Won't Be Able to Care for Your Kid All mothers struggle to find time for exercising, eating right, getting enough sleep, and recharging their batteries, but none more so than those who have children with special needs. Buy Now. How to be helpful How could you best help a friend whose child has autism?

See results. Questions must be on-topic, written with proper grammar usage, and understandable to a wide audience. On bad days, the voice pounded his mind with negative thoughts. It was the first of four major titles for Els, who went on to spend a total of nine weeks as the world No. But not right away. The little evil voice that badgered the Big Easy on the course followed him home.

His boy was different, that much was painfully obvious, and soon they would have a diagnosis: autism. Where did I mess up? He is not the same person who will return to Oakmont this week for the th United States Open. Els and his wife formed the Els for Autism Foundation to raise awareness and money for the little understood neurodevelopmental disorder, which is characterized by impairments in social interaction and verbal and nonverbal communication and by restricted and repetitive behavior.

According to the Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, roughly one in 68 children in the United States has autism spectrum disorder, representing every racial, ethnic and socioeconomic group. But many overwhelmed parents of children on the spectrum retreat into the shadows because they feel embarrassment and shame, as if it is a bankruptcy of their sometimes deep investment in a perfect family tableau. The Elses were no different.

Mother to Mother:  Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism Mother to Mother: Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism
Mother to Mother:  Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism Mother to Mother: Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism
Mother to Mother:  Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism Mother to Mother: Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism
Mother to Mother:  Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism Mother to Mother: Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism
Mother to Mother:  Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism Mother to Mother: Coming to Grips with Your Childs Diagnosis of Autism

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